Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Part Dui. Closer to Death and New Beginnings.

'Dui' means TWO in Bangla.

Bangladesh was just waiting to embrace me. Its people are not selfish. And somewhere along the stay, I realized this wouldn’t be my last time. I would be coming back…coming back for a more permanent accommodation. Bangladesh needs me. Its women need me. But more than it needing me, I need it. And by the way, for all the confused readers… I am back in New York...I don't know what led anyone to think that I was still in Bangladesh. Anyways, now I can continue my rant.

I fell in love some time last year with a man living in Dhaka, Bangladesh. When I fall in love, I fall hard. But I've realized, when I love, I don’t receive as much as I give. Long story short, I left Bangladesh as a single lady. However, this is a happy single. I have nothing bad to say about him. He was confused and while I was irritated, I've let it be. He never revealed his last feelings. He never officially left me. He just stopped…stopped everything.

The Dhaka city memories will remain. We first met (face-to-face that is) on July 2nd in front of Dhaka Imperial College in the midst of all the traffic near New Market. And a few times after that on roadsides, Shanghai Restaurant, Pizza Hut (a fancier eatery than the one we New Yorkers are familiar with), Nandos, Dhanmondi Lake. Rode on rickshaws together. Held hands. Kissed. Coincidentally matched (clothing) each time. It was perfect while it lasted.

I wanted to share more negatives about this relationship. I really did. But my heart isn't allowing me to. Also, his father passed away recently (third week of August) which makes the entire situation (to bash my ex) completely and severely wrong. So, I've forgotten and forgiven.

Death is in rage, especially in the last two months of July and August. Leiby Kletzky. Nazish Noorani. Tareque Masud. Mishuk Munier. Abid Sharia. Nirob's father. The Lovely Bones. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. (Novels I've read recently, and The Secret Life of Bees which I'm currently reading...all coincidentally have death in common). And while the listed deaths were close to me in some way (location, mother-country, gender, love, or just a mere coincidence)...I can't help but ask the question: "Is it just me or are all of these people actually dying?" But I've realized what it is. I'm growing up...as in growing old. And death is playing a huge role in this growth. I've never paid much attention to the deceased...I've never cried or felt that "sad/hurt" feeling...in summary, I am somehow more aware and sad. Maybe at the fact that almost all of the people I've listed above were innocent. I know it's a part of life and so the saying goes...but I don't know why it hurts me so much...now. I cried.

It is now September and I'm back in school after EIGHT months. I can't believe that much time has actually passed so damn quickly...and no, I don't want anymore extended breaks. I am back to school and so, so happy and excited to be back...and I pray that I stay in school for good this time. For newbies on my page: Fall 2010, I had to drop all my classes except for one due to severe bone problems. Spring 2011, I had surgery on my right hip (core decompression with bone graft). I took a leave of absence from Brooklyn College. And my readers, you all need to pitch in with these prayers. Your homegirl wants to stay in school. NO MORE SURGERIES. EVER. And You up there...let's be easy with the pains this semester.

In terms of Lupus, I'm actually doing horrible. My blood results are not up to par. I'm still leaking an abnormal amount of protein during urination. Urination is such a weird word. Urination. HA! However, all due to God's grace, I'm walking about getting things done like a boss, commuting to and from school via public transportation, more energetic, taking less naps...I mean, on the outside, I'm just like you.

September is a crazy month for me because I remember three years ago during this time, everything changed for me. Everything. But at the same time, it's very humbling to have gone through it all and never feeling alone. I am thankful over and over for the support that I have from my friends, family, readers...God. The third week of September 2011 will mark my third year with Lupus. It's a love-hate relationship. But mostly love.

Three years stronger ...and I like to think I've gotten funnier too.