I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday, the 12th of January. Surgery was a success. Now I just have to wait...I don't know if that's 6 weeks or 8 or 12 (of not being able to bear weight on my right leg and the time it will take for the bone graft to completely heal). Some days I prefer crutches, other days the walker, and once in a while I like to be driven everywhere with the wheelchair. And for those of us who have made fun of people using any of these equipments, you better be sorry now. The freedom to walk without being dependent on something is such a great feeling, a privilege. Maybe you've never thought about it, but you should. And be thankful.
I've been waking up cranky and not in the mood. Life seems miserable. Life seems so obscure. Why? I don't know. I'm going through a crazy emotional turmoil. And this is something I can't explain or talk-out with someone. Some of my friends are aware that I feel like shit every minute of the day and while they give me hope that things will get better or I'll have a quick recovery, that's some real bullshit right there. You're not in my place. And I wish you are never in my place.
If there was a quick way to die, I would choose that road. There's no fun in living like a dead person, being a hero or inspiration for what? Whoever made me is really pathetic. Not my parents, they're great. I can manage to live like this for my parents. Helping me at every step of the crutch. Food, shower, making me laugh, everything. It makes me realize that even though I have so many friends, at the end of the day it's my parents who are with at all times. I don't know what will happen when they're not here. My future really scares me.
I chose to write today because I feel like shit. I'm in bed, the dining room or living room...with nothing to do. I'm not in the mood to read. A friend suggested that I learn a new hobby (guitar, knitting). I might take on knitting. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to write to me. And if you just feel like writing to me, that would be great too.
I feel a little better now. This was a good release.
|Red velvet cake looks real good.|