Monday, January 17, 2011

Release.

I was discharged from the hospital on Wednesday, the 12th of January. Surgery was a success. Now I just have to wait...I don't know if that's 6 weeks or 8 or 12 (of not being able to bear weight on my right leg and the time it will take for the bone graft to completely heal). Some days I prefer crutches, other days the walker, and once in a while I like to be driven everywhere with the wheelchair. And for those of us who have made fun of people using any of these equipments, you better be sorry now. The freedom to walk without being dependent on something is such a great feeling, a privilege. Maybe you've never thought about it, but you should. And be thankful.

I've been waking up cranky and not in the mood. Life seems miserable. Life seems so obscure. Why? I don't know. I'm going through a crazy emotional turmoil. And this is something I can't explain or talk-out with someone. Some of my friends are aware that I feel like shit every minute of the day and while they give me hope that things will get better or I'll have a quick recovery, that's some real bullshit right there. You're not in my place. And I wish you are never in my place.

If there was a quick way to die, I would choose that road. There's no fun in living like a dead person, being a hero or inspiration for what? Whoever made me is really pathetic. Not my parents, they're great. I can manage to live like this for my parents. Helping me at every step of the crutch. Food, shower, making me laugh, everything. It makes me realize that even though I have so many friends, at the end of the day it's my parents who are with at all times. I don't know what will happen when they're not here. My future really scares me.

I chose to write today because I feel like shit. I'm in bed, the dining room or living room...with nothing to do. I'm not in the mood to read. A friend suggested that I learn a new hobby (guitar, knitting). I might take on knitting. If anyone has any other ideas, please feel free to write to me. And if you just feel like writing to me, that would be great too.

I feel a little better now. This was a good release.
Red velvet cake looks real good.


2 comments:

  1. aww... dont worry buddy! you need some red velvet cake for real! You write extremely well.. and you're right, friends are great.. but in the end of the day they don't carry ur stress or ur problems the way your family ever will. I hope you feel better and that whenever you do feel sad you take it out with your writing because its the best way to release what your feeling and allowing everyone else to be aware. :) <3

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  2. I completely agree with Muktesh #greatadvice ^_^ I've definitely heard from so many people that writing is a great release when you're feeling down and out. It's a way to vent and if you feel like you can not express yourself to anyone else, take it out on the paper! You just said it yourself..you feel better after writing. As I've said before, you have an amazing talent. Never forget that. Some of the best work comes out of the worst times. Let writing soothe your soul...when you express yourself through words, you never know who you'll touch <3 Keep doing your thing girl.We are all here for you #igotu

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